you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
