worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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