Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
