do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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