He told me they were just razor bumps!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
