so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
