I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
