i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize