I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
