so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
