Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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