actually, I'm a sock model
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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