My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
