The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
