Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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