If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
