Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
