If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
