Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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