I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
