I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
