Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Can i not drive my cunt home
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
