My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize