If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize