I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
