Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Holy sore nipples Batman
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
