Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
