Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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