I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
