Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
