I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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