I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just pee around me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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