did you get engaged???
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
