I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
