I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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