When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
