mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
