I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
