My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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