If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
