At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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