my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
how do you play pong handcuffed?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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