he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
