I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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