We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The uberlube is also flammable
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
