how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
