...so i touched it.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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