Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need to calm my uterus...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
