I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
