The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
