So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
