I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
