is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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