need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
