Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
