I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize