now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
