You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
