Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize