what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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