im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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