I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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