I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
