Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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