Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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