Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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