Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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