I accidentally had phone sex last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
